– I’m not being legalistic here, just giving you an informal guide to how you can expect me to act as I attempt in my haphazard yet strangely charming way to do business

 

Credit

Nope, don’t do it. No cards either. Strictly cash on collection please. We reject the cashless plastic economy and all its running dogs.

Deposit

Don’t do those either – your amp is your deposit. If there’s a big parts outlay I might get on to you and ask you for some upfront money to cover it – but probably not.

Pricing

I will charge according to my published prices. So how about if my bill seems to you to be more than the amp is worth? Well if that’s the case I will already have called you anyway with the bad news (see ‘no fix, no fee’), but (due notice) here is some reasoning: if the bill is more than the amp is worth, that leads us inevitably to the conclusion that the unrepaired amp was at best worthless in the first place, at worst a liability. So in those unfortunate and unlikely circumstances (actually it has never happened), I offer to take the repaired amp in lieu of payment, thus leaving you in at worst the same financial position you were in before you gave it to me, rather than the worse one of having paid me more that the repaired beast is worth. Thus leaving me with an amp which is worth something close to but not more than the value of the work I did on it, which I can go on to sell or treasure for ever. The aim of this perhaps strange-sounding offer is to underline my sincere wish not to make you pay more than the fixed amp is worth. Unless you love it so dearly that you want to get it fixed regardless of cost (I had the same thing with a cat recently).

Slo-o-ow payers

If I tell you your amp is fixed and you then take more than three months to collect it, I reserve the right to keep it, or to sell it and keep all the proceeds. The same goes for amps left with me after you told me not to carry on with the work because of cost or whatever other reason. I can’t be a free storage facility, I don’t have the room, so after three months I reserve the right to dispose of the item, or sell it if it has any value.

No fix, no fee

Just another peace of mind thing for you. If you give me an amp and tell me what fault you want fixing, and somehow it turns out that the fault doesn’t get fixed, there will be no fee (unless of course you asked me to stop work before the fault was fixed). And further: if I or we in concert decide that it isn’t worth fixing your amp there will also be no fee (apart from the pint you will obviously then owe me). An inevitable concomitant of this is that I don’t always take in jobs of the doomed type.

Publicity

It has become fashionable in the trade to advertise by showing details of repairs on social media etc, so I’d better try and keep up. Unless you tell me otherwise, I may use pictures of your amp and details of the repair for promotional purposes, on the website or in social or other media. I will not make public any other details about you. If you don’t want your amp on facebook or wherever, no problem, let me know when you drop it off and I won’t do it.

Shipping and couriers:

As a rule it is fine and safe to use online courier services like www.parcelsplease.com etc to arrange cheap shipping to get your amp to me and back through someone like Parcelforce or DHL. Or Parcelforce direct if you want to pay more. I only ever had one problem that way but it was quite a big problem hence this update to my Ts and Cs. It is usually not economical to pay insurance against them damaging the amp in transit or losing it as (a) it is f-ing dear, and (b) they will refuse to pay out on anything that ‘contains glassware’, eg valves I guess. So there is a risk involved and I’m afraid I have to ask you to bear that risk in shipping both from you to me and vice versa. It is sad as I do prefer not to worry about things that hardly ever happen but there we are.

My guarantee:

In general, I propose to do things properly. I guarantee that what I’ve charged you for is what I’ve done; that I use reliable parts that won’t fail unreasonably quickly; that the bits I’ve fixed won’t come unfixed because I didn’t fix them right; that I didn’t unfix anything else while I was fixing it… and that if I do fail you in any of these ways I will put it right for nothing if you bring the amp back to me. But do remember that amps, especially old amps, especially old amps that haven’t worked for ages, may well go wrong in a different way once I’ve got them up and running, and of course that’s another repair and another bill. But hey you knew that.

Is that it?

No, there’s loads more small print, silly me I just can’t remember any of it right now…

These terms last revised 16th January 2018